||[06 Apr 2005|09:35pm]
I hate writing essays.
I feel that this is something i've eluded to various times, but never gone out and said. Or perhaps i have. I don't know for sure but i can't say it enough. I hate writing essays. It feels like digging really deep in dirt to reach something having no idea if it will be good. So how im sitting here writting this essay that was due on monday that i excused myself from class to not do and waiting for the words to spill from my brain into my fingertips and wind up neatly printed and stapled on my teachers desk.
Allow me to say that i knew i would regret race and gender for no reason other than writing essays, which i have most effectively managed to avoid all year until now.
I hate writing essays.
|What? Who is this typing these words?
||[04 Apr 2005|10:47pm]
Well, i suppose this means i'm back. I really thought i was going to let this thing die and delete itself, but after talking to andrew, i was poked and prodded into starting it up again. I think i've been waaay critical of things that i've written when i should just chill and let it be what it is. I don't even have anything to write about at the moment, really. Just that i'm in a nice, comfortable mood for the first time on this inconsistent day.
So hello and goodbye, i'll be back soon. I leave you with this, my favorite piece of writing i have ever encountered:
by Elizabeth Bishop
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
||[25 Jan 2005|03:31pm]
My street has plowed sidewalks. Looks like school tomorrow, what a bummer.
||[18 Jan 2005|11:27pm]
I'm just playing a HUGE game of tug of war right now! just a HUGE game! and games BLOW.
||[06 Jan 2005|08:37pm]
Today was one of the greatest things to happen in awhile. There is nothing like thinking you arent getting much sleep and then being able to sleep to your hearts content. It's like a free buffet. I did nothing all day, in fact I'm still in my pjs at 8 40 PM.
I've been waiting all day for new episodes of sex and the city, and now my mom is back with them. I am so happy right now.
||[27 Dec 2004|12:50pm]
da daa daa
da da da da da da
da daa daa
da da da da daa daa!
|what jews do on christmas eve:
||[25 Dec 2004|12:00am]
This was actually a very good survey/questionairre. There are a lot of things i really really want to do, (esp numbers 2, 6 and 15) and then there are bunch of these that i actually have done that really surprised me. I recommend it.
Bold the things that you've done:
01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it.
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sunrise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had a giggling fit at exactly the wrong moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier (pants on)
34. Screamed as loud as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip 38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks into three days 44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even just for a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job on all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a super hero
71. Sung Karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for five days
98. Made cookies from scratch
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a bateau-mouche on the Seine.
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge Both ways!
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Been in any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Gotten upset when someone called you a groupie
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi every Friday
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Illiad
181. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that now you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Been arrested
||[22 Dec 2004|11:57pm]
i hate having crushes on ridiculously difficult people. it just makes my life so frustrating.
||[20 Dec 2004|06:19pm]
Today, upon hearing the lyrics to "Let it snow," i started thinking. I was first inspired by the line "and since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, etc, etc." I really wish i could just sit at home and really feel like i have no place to go. Just not feel like i have to be somewhere. Even when i'm not in any rush to be anywhere, i check my cell phone, check my away message, check my answering machine. Even if i'm really fine being alone at home. I just want to be able to be holed up in my house and be okay with it. Unfortunately this would only occur if i had the house to myself or was with either a really good friend or someone else... which LEADS ME TO MY NEXT THOUGHT:
I started wanting romance. Not just a "boyfriend" or a "relationship" or even "ass." I want ROMANCE. This happens every winter. Even if i'm in a relationship. The reason this happens isn't because i want ass or because "i reaaallyyy wannnaaa boooooyyyfriend," but because i want a kind of romance i've never had. I want the kind of romance that people like frank sinatra and bing crosby sing about. Dancing together in a living room with a fire crackling behind us, a silent walk in the snow, call me just to tell me he loves me romance. The cheesiest, sappiest, grossest romance you can get. It's just so atmospheric. And i'm only 17, so i don't have it yet. which blows. but i will someday.
compLETELY unrelated, i didn't get this fucking scholarship to UMass cuz i didn't do well enough on my MCAS, which BLOWS, cuz MCAS SUCK and i did FINE on them but now my dad's all disappointed that little 10th grade yael, who DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THE SCHOLARSHIP UNTIL THIS WEEK, didnt try harder. So, needless to say, it's frustrating. espcially since i'm entirely done with apps, and i'll probably be saving my family a whole shitload of money by choosing to go to umass, anyway. akfsds. i really thought the MCAS were in the past.
and i'm off to mix some nuts!
||[05 Dec 2004|08:28pm]
What do you do if you are told that if you don't change something you're going to do really bad in a class, but you just can't bring yourself to change it?? I'm supposed to rewrite my memoir for crowell's creative writing class. i wrote my original memoir about scotland and how, through it, i realized that i don't have to feel so insecure about the big, wide, world. She said it reads like a travel-logue and that i need to find the real focus of my piece. The problem is that i don't know what the real focus IS. I happen to like my memoir, and every time i read it i can feel scotland around me as if i were still there. After meeting with her she gave me an extension so i could really work it out and take my time with it. Instead of taking advantage of this i've been too scared to tackle it and have left it for tonight, sunday, 8:30 pm. She thinks i should focus on performing in general and not worry so much about transitions. I should just write about all of the shows i've been in and how theyve all been so important to me. but i just can't. i dont know where to start, nor do i even care enough at the moment to write about all that.
i just want to give up.
||[05 Dec 2004|01:26pm]
Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?"
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends .
||[29 Nov 2004|06:09pm]
So, i've decided that, if i wasn't so set on a carreer in midwifry (ya i said midwifry.), i would want to become an innovator in the field of college admissions. I would create a simpler system with less paper-work, less biased judgement, less SATs, and an easier, more peaceful, exciting process overall.
Come to think of it, i could do both midwifry AND innovating! I could start simplifying the college admissions process right now!! I say we quit complaining and DO something about it! YEA! and HOW BOUT we MAKE A CHANGE in this shitty, overly complicated mess of a system we're in!??! WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?
Yeaa! i feel great!
In conclusion: I'm really honored that this "in conclusion" thing skyrocketed so.
||[25 Nov 2004|06:16pm]
I was sick for about 3 hours today. Got woken up by a phone call at 9 45, realized my throat was really dry and scratchy, got up and walked around, made a nice pile of used tissues, and felt really tired from the effort i put into that. Laid around, made cranberry sauce, went downstairs, and laid myself to rest. I was out for the next 3 hours. Woke up tired. Stopped feeling sick, ate thanksgiving dinner, got tired again, and now i've resumed the "laying around" stage. I don't feel sick anymore.
Now my family's struggling to decide on one movie that is a) Funny b) Good c) Suitable for a 9 year old and d) suitable for two teens. I dont care really, i just want pie.
in conclusion: My nose was really runny.
||[31 Oct 2004|10:41am]
So lexington high school, as much as it sucks for being the place which we call "school," is fucking incredible. How many other schools give their students the chance to do everything i've done? Granted, most of it is bogarts doing, and has little or nothing to with the administration of the actual school, but it was the administration that hired bogart in the first place, so i definitely do owe them my appreciation for that. But seriously, we got to perform at the AVALON yesterday! in front of 2000 people. it was insane. we got to go backstage and hang out with all the performers (even though we mostly just hung out with ourselves and bogart) and when i was washing my make up off after the performance amanda palmer was right beside me adjusting her wig and painting on her eyebrows. Yesterday was an amazing experience.
Aside from how awesome it is to be a 17 year old drama kid at lhs, i wish more than ever to be seven years old. I really miss being that carefree, living day to day or holiday to holiday. I miss agonizing over things like halloween costumes and what to bring in for show and tell. I miss skipping as a means of transportation, and i miss clipping enormous bows into my tightly tied ponytail and putting on a fancy dress for no reason. When i was seven my sister was born, so i really miss having a little baby around always, and a little brother to play legos with at all times. This is why i was a little girl for halloween. and MAN it was REFRESHING.
ANYWAY. back in my 17 year old life, these are things that i'm looking forward to:
1. Driver's ed ends this week
2. Fall jam is saturday, therefore i can relax about rehearsals after that
3. The dresden dolls show, as AMAZING as it was, is done, therefore there's one less rehearsal to cram into my week
4. SATs will be just a memory by saturday afternoon
5. Globefest is in about 6 weeks
6. No school on tuesday.
In conclusion: Vote for kerry.
||[28 Oct 2004|09:45pm]
Today, a year ago, i was somewhere else. Because of that, now i'm here.
||[19 Oct 2004|02:51pm]
So scent is supposedly the strongest sense tied to memory, but it really isnt in my case. I've been noticing more and more lately how weird i am with memory. I'm either really visual or extremely factual. By visual i mean i'll see something and immediately be taken back to whenever it was that it reminds me of. Like just now i noticed something on my sock an di looked down and saw a streak of grey paint. All of a sudden i got a flood of the scent of the room while it was being painted, my crazy anxiety during the week it took to paint, and i remembered the time jayme came over when my room wasn't painted yet. There are other things that do this to me. Like i'll be sitting in someone's car and i'll remember other times that i was there and the other things that happened while i sat there and i'll have to remind myself that i'm not there in that time, but here in this time.
And then there's my factual thing. It's mostly about dates. Someone can casually mention some random date and i will remember exactly what happened on that day if it was even remotely significant. Or someone will mention the significant event and i'll be able to tell the date it happened. That's a pretty lame description of how it works, but if you interact with me a lot you'll probably know what i'm talking about. It's not even that the dates are SO important to me that i made a mental note to remember when they were, i just remember them.
okay. i'm gonna drink tea. and then go get a flu shot. and then go to work. and then watch the game. maybe something significant will happen somewhere in there and i'll remember october 19th forever. even though its the day after ocotober 18th. which i remember for a different reason, mostly because it was a month after september 18th.
||[15 Oct 2004|04:54pm]
You're Manny Ramirez. A soft-spoken, but very
powerful slugger with a smile that is so
adorable, lol. Clearly worth the 160 million
that the Red sox are paying you.
Which Boston Red Sox Player are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
okay. if you take the quiz, just ignore the fact that you can pretty much choose who you want to be. i AM manny, okay!? it just happened.
|So beautiful. Anyone have the romeo and juliet soundtrack?
||[11 Oct 2004|07:50pm]
Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you
my soul cried
Heaving heart is full of pain
Oh oh the aching
'Cuz I I'm kissing you, ooh
I, I'm kissing you ohh
Touch me deep pure and true
Gift to me forever
'Cuz I I'm kissing you, ooh
I, I'm kissing you ohh
Where are you now
Where are you now
'Cuz I oh I'm kissing you
I, I'm kissing you ohh
||[06 Oct 2004|08:43pm]
What if i disappeared? I can't, but what if i did?